1 00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:38,918 'Arthur Dent, a perfectly ordinary Earthman, 2 00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:42,157 'was rather surprised when his friend Ford Prefect 3 00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:45,511 'suddenly revealed himself to be from a small planet 4 00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:47,870 'in the vicinity of Betelgeuse 5 00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:51,231 'and not from Guildford after all. 6 00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:54,432 'He was even more surprised when, minutes later, 7 00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:56,949 'Earth was unexpectedly demolished 8 00:00:57,160 --> 00:01:00,118 'to make way for a new hyperspace by-pass. 9 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:03,312 'But this was as nothing to their joint surprise 10 00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:07,433 'when they were rescued from certain death by a stolen spaceship 11 00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:12,156 'manned by Ford's semi-cousin, the infamous Zaphod Beeblebrox, 12 00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:15,875 'and by Trillian, a rather nice young astrophysicist 13 00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:19,231 'Arthur once met at a party in Islington. 14 00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:23,752 'However, all four of them are soon totally overwhelmed by surprise 15 00:01:23,960 --> 00:01:27,555 'when they discover that the ancient world of Magrathea, 16 00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:32,117 'a planet legendary for its trade in manufacturing other planets, 17 00:01:32,320 --> 00:01:35,676 'is not as dead as it was supposed to be. 18 00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:37,836 'For Zaphod, Ford and Trillian, 19 00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:41,999 'surprise is pushed to its very limits when THIS happened...' 20 00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:44,270 (WHOOSHING) 21 00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:47,233 'And when Arthur encounters Slartibartfast, 22 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:49,670 'the Magrathean coastline designer 23 00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:52,269 'who won an award for his work on Norway 24 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,948 'and learns that the history of mankind 25 00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:58,550 'was only being run for the benefit of a few white mice, 26 00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:01,274 'surprise is no longer adequate 27 00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:04,438 'and he is forced to resort to astonishment.' 28 00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:05,914 Mice?! 29 00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:10,996 Mind your head. 30 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:13,156 E-Excuse the mess. 31 00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:18,831 Most unfortunate - a diode blew in one of the life support computers. 32 00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:21,429 When we came to revive our cleaning staff, 33 00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:24,638 we discovered they'd been dead for 30,000 years. 34 00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:29,231 Who's going to clear away the bodies? That's what no one has an answer for. 35 00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:33,797 Mice? Look, are we talking about the same things? 36 00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:38,071 Mice are white furry creatures with a cheese fixation, 37 00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:41,875 women standing screaming on tables in early '60s sitcoms. 38 00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:46,756 Earthman, it is sometimes hard to follow your mode of speech. 39 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:50,990 I have been asleep inside this planet of Magrathea 40 00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:54,749 for...um...five million years 41 00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:59,909 and know little of these early '60s sitcoms of which you speak. 42 00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:03,874 These creatures you call mice are not quite as they appear. 43 00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:06,594 They are merely the protrusion into our dimension 44 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:10,759 of vast hyper-intelligent, pan-dimensional beings. 45 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:17,353 This business with the cheese and the squeaking is just a front. 46 00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:19,915 They have been experimenting on you. 47 00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:24,671 Ahh! No, look, you've got it wrong! It was us! We experimented on THEM! 48 00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:28,634 Making them run down mazes, ring bells, eat bits of cheese! 49 00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:31,070 And, by analysing their behaviour, 50 00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:34,192 were learned all sorts of things about ourselves! 51 00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:36,550 - Such subtlety! - Well... 52 00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:39,718 Well, how better to disguise their true natures, 53 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:42,798 how better to guide your way of thinking, 54 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:45,468 than to be right down there amongst you? 55 00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:48,672 Suddenly running down the maze the wrong way, 56 00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:51,436 eating the wrong bit of cheese, 57 00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:54,393 unexpectedly dropping dead of myxomatosis. 58 00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:58,559 Finely calculated, the cumulative effect is enormous. 59 00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:02,719 Just sit...back...back. 60 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:06,071 I must tell you that your planet and people 61 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:09,158 have formed the matrix of an organic computer 62 00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:12,352 running a 10-million-year research programme 63 00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:16,917 into the ultimate question of Life, the Universe...and Everything. 64 00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:22,114 They are particularly clever, hyper-intelligent, pan-dimensional beings. 65 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:26,472 (TANN0Y) Attention! Slartibartfast and the visiting Earth creature 66 00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:31,037 report to the work's reception area immediately... Repeat, immediately! 67 00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:35,199 However, in the field of management relations, they're shocking. 68 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:38,631 - Really? - Every time they give me an order, 69 00:04:38,840 --> 00:04:40,990 I want to jump on a table and scream. 70 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:43,395 Yes, I can see that would be a problem. 71 00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:47,158 'There are many problems connected with life, 72 00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:49,828 'of which some of the most pressing are... 73 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:51,996 'Why are people born? 74 00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:54,436 'Why do they die? 75 00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:57,791 'And why do they spend so much of the intervening time 76 00:04:58,000 --> 00:04:59,956 'wearing digital watches? 77 00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:06,471 'Many millions of years ago, a race of hyper-intelligent beings 78 00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:10,958 'became so fed-up with the bickering about the meaning of life 79 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:14,869 'that they decided to sit down and solve it once and for all. 80 00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:17,230 'To this end, they built themselves 81 00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:20,989 'a stupendous super-computer called Deep Thought 82 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:23,509 'that was so amazingly intelligent 83 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:26,996 'that even before its data banks had been connected up, 84 00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:29,350 'it started from first principles with: 85 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:36,669 'And deduced the existence of rice pudding and income tax 86 00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:39,633 'before anyone managed to turn it off.' 87 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:41,796 Do not be alarmed. 88 00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:46,199 'Only after Deep Thought has been programmed 89 00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:49,676 'with all the knowledge in the Universe, do two men, 90 00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:53,839 'selected of all their race, approach it.' 91 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:01,355 (LOUD CREAKING AND RUMBLING) 92 00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:08,835 (C0MPUTER) What is this great task for which I, Deep Thought, 93 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:11,873 the second greatest computer in the Universe 94 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:16,676 of Time and Space, have been called into existence? 95 00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:21,951 - Your task, O computer... - No, wait a minute! 96 00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:24,790 Did he say ''second greatest''? 97 00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:28,990 O Deep Thought, are you not, as we designed you to be, 98 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:33,318 the greatest, the most powerful computer of all time? 99 00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:38,799 I described myself as the second greatest and such I am! 100 00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:41,875 Can we just clear this up? 101 00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:45,072 O Deep Thought, are you not a greater computer 102 00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:49,751 than the Milliard Gargantubrain which can count all the atoms in a star? 103 00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:56,229 A Milliard Gargantubrain? A mere abacus! Mention it not! 104 00:06:56,440 --> 00:07:00,877 Are you not a greater analyst than the Googleplex Star Thinker 105 00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:03,514 in the 7th Galaxy of Light and Ingenuity? 106 00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:07,269 The Googleplex Star Thinker? 107 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:11,314 Molest me not with this pocket calculator stuff! 108 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:13,829 But are you not a more fiendish disputant 109 00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:19,637 than the Great Hyperlobic Omnicognate Neutron Wrangler on Ciceronicus 12?! 110 00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:22,479 The Great 0mnicognate Neutron Wrangler 111 00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:26,832 could talk all four legs off an Arcturan megadonkey, 112 00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:31,511 but only I could persuade it to go for a walk afterwards! 113 00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:34,314 Then...what is the problem? 114 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:36,875 There is no problem! 115 00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:42,878 I speak of none but the computer that is to come after me! 116 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:46,038 I think this is getting needlessly messianic. 117 00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:50,677 A computer whose merest operational parameters 118 00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:53,553 I am not worthy to calculate, 119 00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:59,835 but which it will be my destiny eventually to design! 120 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:03,155 Can we get on and ask the question? 121 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:05,316 Oh, all right. 122 00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:12,198 O Great Computer, the task we have designed you to perform is this. 123 00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:15,472 We want you to tell us the answer. 124 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:18,670 The answer? 125 00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:21,838 - The answer to what? - Life! 126 00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:25,077 - The Universe! - Everything! 127 00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:27,475 Tricky. 128 00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:29,636 But...can you do it? 129 00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:34,113 Yes, I can do it. 130 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:37,234 You mean...there IS an answer? 131 00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:40,878 - A simple answer? - Yes. 132 00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:44,311 Life, the Universe and Everything. 133 00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:46,476 There is an answer. 134 00:08:46,680 --> 00:08:50,992 - There is an answer! At last! - But I'll have to think about it. 135 00:08:56,560 --> 00:08:58,630 - We demand admission! - Now what? 136 00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:02,674 - You can't keep us out! - We demand you cannot keep us out! 137 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:10,749 - Who are you? Get out of here! - I am Majikthise! 138 00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:13,997 And I demand that I am Vroomfondel! 139 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:18,754 It's all right, you don't need to demand that! 140 00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:21,235 All right, I am Vroomfondel... 141 00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:26,033 ..and that is not a demand, that is a solid fact! 142 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:28,196 What we demand is solid facts! 143 00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:31,551 No, we don't! That is precisely what we DON'T demand! 144 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:33,716 We don't demand solid facts! 145 00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:37,196 What we demand is a total absence of solid facts! 146 00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:42,758 I demand that I may, or may not, be Vroomfondel! 147 00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:48,036 - Who are you? - We are philosophers. 148 00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:50,435 - Though we may not be! - Yes, we are! 149 00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:53,359 We are definitely here as representatives 150 00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:57,951 of the Amalgamated Union of Philosophers, Sages, and Luminaries, 151 00:09:58,160 --> 00:10:00,469 and we want the machine off now! 152 00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:02,636 We demand that you get rid of it! 153 00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:07,118 - What's the problem? - The problem is demarcation, mate! 154 00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:11,472 We demand that demarcation may or may not be the problem! 155 00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:14,114 Let the machines get on with the adding up 156 00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:17,073 and WE'LL take care of the eternal verities! 157 00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:19,589 By law, the quest for ultimate truth 158 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:23,156 is the inalienable prerogative of your working thinkers! 159 00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:26,432 Any machine goes and finds 'em, we're out of a job! 160 00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:30,633 What's the use of our arguing half the night whether there may... 161 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:32,796 - Or may not! - ..be a god... 162 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:36,629 ..if this machine gives you his phone number in the morning! 163 00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:38,114 That's right! 164 00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:42,916 We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty! 165 00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:47,033 Might I make an observation at this point? 166 00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:48,958 Keep out of this! 167 00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:53,517 We demand that that machine not be allowed to think about this problem! 168 00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,676 (THUNDERCLAP) 169 00:10:56,520 --> 00:11:00,798 If I might make an observation! 170 00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:06,474 All I wanted to say was this. 171 00:11:06,680 --> 00:11:10,229 My circuits are now irrevocably committed 172 00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:12,954 to calculating the answer 173 00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:18,553 to the ultimate question of Life, the Universe and Everything, 174 00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:23,390 but the program will take me a little while to run. 175 00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:28,871 - How long? - Seven and a half... 176 00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:34,677 - What, not till next week?! - ..million...years! 177 00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:40,716 - How long?! - I said I'd have to think about it. 178 00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:45,471 And it occurs to me that running a program like this 179 00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:48,433 is bound to create considerable interest 180 00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:51,552 in the whole area of popular philosophy. 181 00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:55,036 - Yes? - Keep talking. 182 00:11:55,680 --> 00:11:58,672 Everyone's going to have his own theory 183 00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:02,919 about what answer I'm eventually going to come up with 184 00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:06,874 and who better to capitalise on that media market 185 00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:09,514 than you yourselves? 186 00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:13,554 So long as you can keep violently disagreeing with each other 187 00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:16,752 and slagging each other off in the popular press, 188 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:21,112 and so long as you have clever agents, 189 00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:26,075 you can keep yourselves on the gravy train for life! 190 00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:32,678 Bloody hell! Now, that's what I call thinking! 191 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:37,513 'Ere, Vroomfondel, how come we never think of things like that? 192 00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:39,676 Dunno. 193 00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:44,189 I think our minds must be too highly trained, Majikthise. 194 00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:52,798 Very salutary, but what about the Earth and mice? 195 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:55,550 All will become clear to you. 196 00:12:57,160 --> 00:13:02,109 Are you not anxious to hear what the computer said 7.5 million years later? 197 00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:05,471 Erm...yes...quite. 198 00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:10,356 (DISK SMASHES) 199 00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:31,950 The time is nearly upon us! 200 00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:35,118 7.5 million years we've waited. 201 00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:38,955 75,000 generations 202 00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:43,233 since our ancestors set this program in motion and, in all that time, 203 00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:46,716 we shall be the first to hear the computer speak. 204 00:13:47,680 --> 00:13:49,830 It's an awesome prospect. 205 00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:51,996 (RUMBLING) 206 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:55,756 Deep Thought is about to speak! 207 00:13:58,680 --> 00:14:00,830 (DEEP TH0UGHT) Good evening. 208 00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:04,716 G-Good evening. 209 00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:08,156 (THUNDEROUS RUMBLING) 210 00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:17,396 O...Deep Thought... 211 00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:20,831 ..do you have... Have you...? 212 00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:23,600 An answer for you? 213 00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:26,360 Yes, I have. 214 00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:29,950 - There really is one? - There really is one. 215 00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:32,879 To everything? The secret of the Universe? 216 00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:35,878 The great questions of Life and Everything? 217 00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:38,719 - Yes. - Are you ready to give it to us? 218 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:41,229 - I am. - Now?! 219 00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:44,237 Now! 220 00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:46,112 Wow! 221 00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:49,949 Though I don't think you're going to like it. 222 00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:53,598 Doesn't matter! We must know it! 223 00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:57,190 - Now? - Yes...now. 224 00:14:57,400 --> 00:14:59,356 All right. 225 00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:14,153 - Well? - You're really not going to like it. 226 00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:15,793 Tell us! 227 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:19,276 - The answer to the great question... - Yes? 228 00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:22,995 ..of Life, the Universe and Everything... 229 00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:24,679 - Yes? - ..is... 230 00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:26,199 - Yes? -..is... 231 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:30,632 - (BOTH) Yes?! - ..42! 232 00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:36,116 It was a tough assignment. 233 00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:38,356 (BOTH) 42?! 234 00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:45,589 Is that all you've got to show for 7.5 million years' work?! 235 00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:48,796 I think the problem 236 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:51,912 is that you've never known what the question is. 237 00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:54,516 But it was the GREAT question, 238 00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:59,358 the ultimate question of Life, the Universe and Everything! 239 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:03,357 Yes, but what actually is it? 240 00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:06,236 Well... 241 00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:09,116 ..just everything! 242 00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:12,357 You know...everything! 243 00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:14,516 Exactly. 244 00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:18,474 You have to know what the question actually is 245 00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:21,319 in order to know what the answer means. 246 00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:24,832 Well, can you please tell us the question? 247 00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:27,914 - The Ultimate Question? - Yes! 248 00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:32,712 0f Life, the Universe and Everything? 249 00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:35,639 - Yes! - Tricky. 250 00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:39,672 But can you do it? 251 00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:43,716 No. 252 00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:47,913 But I'll tell you who can. 253 00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:50,153 Tell us! 254 00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:52,316 (THUNDERCLAP) 255 00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:58,115 I speak of none but the computer that is to come after me. 256 00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:02,279 A computer whose merest operational parameters 257 00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:05,438 I am not worthy to calculate! 258 00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:08,598 Yet I will design it for you! 259 00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:13,828 A computer which can calculate the Answer to the Ultimate Question, 260 00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:18,192 a computer of such infinite and subtle complexity 261 00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:20,356 that organic life itself 262 00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:24,155 shall form part of its operational matrix. 263 00:17:24,360 --> 00:17:29,798 You yourselves shall take on new forms and go down into the computer 264 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:33,788 to navigate its 10-million-year program! 265 00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:38,559 Yes, I shall design this computer for you 266 00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:41,718 and I shall name it also unto you 267 00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:46,277 and it shall be called the Earth! 268 00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:51,995 Oh, what a dull name. 269 00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:54,156 So there you have it. 270 00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:58,993 Deep Thought designed the Earth, we built it and you lived on it. 271 00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:03,159 The Vogons destroyed it 5 minutes before the program was completed. 272 00:18:03,360 --> 00:18:06,716 10 million years of planning and work gone. 273 00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:09,150 Well, that's bureaucracy for you. 274 00:18:09,360 --> 00:18:11,510 Do you know, this explains a lot, 275 00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:14,951 because all my life I've had this feeling in my bones 276 00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:18,311 something sinister was happening in the Universe. 277 00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:20,476 No one would tell me what it was. 278 00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:23,877 That's just perfectly normal paranoia. 279 00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:27,072 - Everyone in the Universe has that. - Everyone? 280 00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:29,632 Everyone. 281 00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:31,796 Maybe that means something! 282 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:35,959 That outside the Universe we know, some alien intelligence is... 283 00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:38,116 Maybe. Who cares? 284 00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:41,471 Perhaps I'm old, but the chances of finding out 285 00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:44,638 what really is going on are so absurdly remote 286 00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:49,277 the only thing to do is to say, ''Hang the sense of it'' and keep occupied. 287 00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:53,996 Look at me. I design coastlines. I got an award for Norway. 288 00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:57,875 Where's the sense in that? None that I can make out. 289 00:18:58,080 --> 00:19:00,230 I've been doing fjords all my life. 290 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:05,230 For a fleeting moment, they become fashionable. I get a major award. 291 00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:08,955 In this replacement Earth, I've been given Africa to do. 292 00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:13,119 I'm doing it with with fjords because I happen to like them. 293 00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:17,393 I'm old-fashioned enough to think they give a lovely baroque feel 294 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:19,556 to a continent. 295 00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:23,639 They tell me it's not equatorial enough. What does it matter? 296 00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:26,513 Science has achieved wonderful things, 297 00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:29,632 but I'd far rather be happy than right any day. 298 00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:33,549 - And are you? - No. That's where it all falls down. 299 00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:37,036 Pity. Sounded like rather a good lifestyle otherwise. 300 00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:42,075 (TANN0Y) Slartibartfast and the Earth creature report to the reception area. 301 00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:45,317 Now? To meet mice? You want me to meet mice now? 302 00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:47,750 It won't be a great social occasion. 303 00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:49,712 (TANN0Y) At once! 304 00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:52,639 I seem to be having difficulty with MY lifestyle. 305 00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:55,400 - I beg your pardon? - What? Sorry. 306 00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:58,956 - Fatuous thing to say, really. - I thought so. 307 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:04,879 'It is, of course, well known that careless talk costs lives, 308 00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:08,516 'but the full scale of the problem is not always appreciated. 309 00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:11,075 'At the very moment Arthur said: 310 00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:14,272 I seem to be having difficulty with MY lifestyle. 311 00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:18,871 'a freak wormhole opened up in the fabric of the space-time continuum 312 00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:21,469 'and carried his words far back in time 313 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:26,071 'across almost infinite reaches of space to a distant galaxy 314 00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:28,430 'where strange and warlike beings 315 00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:32,519 'were poised on the brink of frightful interstellar battle. 316 00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:36,352 'The two leaders were meeting for the last time. 317 00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:39,358 'A silence fell across the conference table 318 00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:44,873 'as the commander of the Vl'hurgs, in his red jewelled battle shorts, 319 00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:49,358 'gazed levelly at the G'Gugvunt leader squatting opposite him 320 00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:52,438 'in a cloud of green, sweet-smelling steam 321 00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:55,632 'and, with a million be-weaponed star cruisers 322 00:20:55,840 --> 00:21:00,595 'poised to unleash electric death at his single word of command, 323 00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:04,076 'challenged the vile creature to take back what it said 324 00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:06,475 'about his mother. 325 00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:10,796 'The creature stirred in its sickly broiling vapour 326 00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:12,956 'and at that moment the words... 327 00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:15,720 I seem to be having difficulty with MY lifestyle. 328 00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:18,070 '..drifted across the table. 329 00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:20,840 'Unfortunately, in the Vl'hurg tongue, 330 00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:23,793 'this was the most dreadful insult imaginable 331 00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:28,073 'and there was nothing for it but to fight terrible war!' 332 00:21:31,120 --> 00:21:33,076 (COMPUTER GAME-TYPE BLEEPS) 333 00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:52,152 'Eventually, after their galaxy had been decimated 334 00:21:52,360 --> 00:21:54,920 'over a few thousand years, it was realised 335 00:21:55,120 --> 00:21:57,873 'the whole thing had been a ghastly mistake. 336 00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:02,039 'So the two opposing battle fleets settled their differences 337 00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:05,198 'in order to launch a joint attack on our galaxy, 338 00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:09,632 'now positively identified as the source of the offending remark. 339 00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:12,274 'For thousands more years, the mighty ships 340 00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:15,040 'tore across the empty wastes of space 341 00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:18,630 'and finally dived, streaming onto the planet Earth 342 00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:22,116 'where, due to a terrible miscalculation of scale, 343 00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:27,599 'the entire battle fleet was accidently swallowed by a small dog. 344 00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:32,071 'Those who study the interplay of cause and effect 345 00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:36,353 'in the history of the Universe say this goes on all the time, 346 00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:39,358 'but that they are powerless to prevent it. 347 00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:43,038 'Meanwhile, Arthur is about to be confronted 348 00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:46,312 'with the terrible reality of all he has learnt.' 349 00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:49,711 Arthur, you're safe! 350 00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:52,236 Am I? Oh, good. 351 00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:54,431 (THEY CHAT AMONGST THEMSELVES) 352 00:22:57,320 --> 00:23:00,869 - Hi. Come in. Food. - What happened to you? 353 00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:03,753 Well, our hosts here have been gassing us 354 00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:06,474 and zapping our minds and being weird, 355 00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:10,559 and are now giving us this amazingly keen meal to make it up to us. 356 00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:14,116 Have some Vegan rhino cutlet! It's exit! 357 00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:16,276 Hosts? I don't see any hosts! 358 00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:18,675 Ugh! There are mice on the table! 359 00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:25,796 Yes...sorry. I...wasn't quite prepared for... 360 00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:30,271 Let me introduce you. 361 00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:32,755 - This is Benjy mouse. - Hi, there! 362 00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:36,077 - And this is...Frankie mouse. - Pleased to meet you! 363 00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:39,752 - Aren't they... - The mice I brought from Earth. 364 00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:41,234 Well... 365 00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:43,715 Try some grated Arcturan megadonkey. 366 00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:45,990 Ahem! Excuse me! 367 00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:48,839 (BENJY) Yes, Slartibartfast, you may go! 368 00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:50,393 What? 369 00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:55,799 Oh, very well, I'll go and get on with some of my fjords, then. 370 00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:57,956 They won't be necessary. 371 00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:00,879 I don't think we'll be needing the new Earth. 372 00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:02,638 What?! 373 00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:07,072 I've got a thousand glaciers poised and ready to roll over Africa! 374 00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:10,477 Thank you, Slartibartfast, that will be all! 375 00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:13,114 Yes, sir. Thank you very much. 376 00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:15,753 Well... 377 00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:18,076 ..goodbye, Earthman. 378 00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:22,193 Sorry about your planet. Hope the lifestyle comes together! 379 00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:25,949 - (BENJY) Now to business! - Oh, yeah. To business! 380 00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:28,833 - To business! - I beg your pardon?! 381 00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:33,238 I'm sorry, I thought you were proposing a toast! 382 00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:37,752 Earth creature, we've been running your planet for 10 million years 383 00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:40,428 in order to find the Ultimate Question. 384 00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:43,791 As we were about to see the fruit of millions of years of work, 385 00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:45,991 you let your planet get blown up! 386 00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:49,317 - The best-laid plans of mice. - And men. 387 00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:52,751 - What? - Best-laid plans of mice and men. 388 00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:55,349 What have men got to do with it? 389 00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:57,869 We've got to have that Question! 390 00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:00,719 I'm sorry I can't help you. Shall we be off? 391 00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:05,550 Get this, you are a last generation product of that computer matrix. 392 00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:08,877 You were there before your planet got the finger. 393 00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:12,755 Your brain was a part of the configuration of the program. 394 00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:14,916 Of the whatty? 395 00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:17,718 - Drink? - I will. 396 00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:21,879 The mice seem to think the Question might be buried in your brain. 397 00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:24,833 - Is that what they think? - Yes. They wanna buy it. 398 00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:28,271 - What, the Question? - No, no, your brain! 399 00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:30,592 - What? - What? 400 00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:32,074 What? 401 00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:35,795 - That's all right. Who'd miss it? - Thank you! 402 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:39,595 I thought you said you could read his brain electronically. 403 00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:42,234 Yes, but we'd have to get it out first. 404 00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:46,234 - It's got to be prepared, diced. - Thank you! 405 00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:48,874 It could be replaced if it's important. 406 00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:51,355 Yes, an electronic brain. 407 00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:54,074 - A simple one should suffice. - Simple? 408 00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:59,115 Program it to say ''What?'' and ''Where's the tea?'' Who'd know the difference? 409 00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:00,594 - What? - See? 410 00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:03,439 - I'd notice! - You'd be programmed not to! 411 00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:05,312 Let's get out! 412 00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:09,479 - Sorry, mice, old mates, no deal. - Let's not be hasty...! 413 00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:13,832 (TANN0Y) Emergency! Hostile alien police in Section 8A! 414 00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:16,713 - Defence stations...! - Galactic police! 415 00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:19,354 Hell and bats' dos, we gotta go whoosh! 416 00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:23,436 - Creatures, where are you going? - Out, out, out! 417 00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:28,077 But the Question! Think of the issues at stake! 418 00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:30,635 - Which way? - Any way! 419 00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:33,400 - This way! - (MOUSE) Don't you understand? 420 00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:39,835 Don't you understand how much money we can make appearing on chat shows? 421 00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:42,508 All this fuss about an Earthling brain! 422 00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:46,398 - Let's go, let's go! - Where are we gonna go?! 423 00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:48,556 (PANIC-STRICKEN JABBERING) 424 00:26:51,120 --> 00:26:53,839 (JABBERING CONTINUES INSIDE LIFT) 425 00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:05,390 Over there! 426 00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:08,398 Which way? 427 00:27:08,600 --> 00:27:12,070 - At a wild guess, I'd say... - This way. 428 00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:13,554 Yeah. 429 00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:18,117 OK, Beeblebrox, hold it right there, we got you covered! 430 00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:22,597 - Cops! - Anyone else want a guess? 431 00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:25,075 Yeah...this way! 432 00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:30,192 We don't wanna shoot you, Beeblebrox. 433 00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:32,356 Suits me fine! 434 00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:36,637 - Back to the lift? - Back to the lift! 435 00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:45,035 Hey, I thought they said they didn't want to shoot at us! 436 00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:48,437 - I thought so! - You said you didn't wanna shoot us! 437 00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:51,359 It isn't easy being a cop! 438 00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:54,440 - What did he say? - It isn't easy being a cop. 439 00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:56,790 - That's his problem! - I think so! 440 00:27:57,000 --> 00:28:01,437 Listen, we've enough problems of our own having you there shooting at us! 441 00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:05,349 If you'd like to avoid laying your personal problems on us, 442 00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:07,994 I think we'd all find it easier to cope! 443 00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:10,750 Now, look, buddy, 444 00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:15,636 you're not dealing with any dumb, two-bit, trigger-pumping morons 445 00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:21,119 with low hairlines, little piggy eyes and no conversation! 446 00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:24,756 We're a couple of caring, intelligent guys 447 00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:28,350 you'd probably really like if you met us socially. 448 00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:31,518 I don't go around gratuitously shooting people 449 00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:35,076 and then brag about it in seedy space rangers bars. 450 00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:37,953 I go around gratuitously shooting people, 451 00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:41,470 then I agonise about it afterwards to my girlfriend! 452 00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:45,639 - And I write novels! - Yeah, he writes them in crayon. 453 00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:48,991 Though I haven't had any published yet 454 00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:54,069 so I'd better warn ya, I'm in a mean mood! 455 00:28:56,000 --> 00:29:00,391 - Who are these guys? - I preferred them shooting. 456 00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:04,593 So are you gonna come quietly or you gonna let us blast ya out? 457 00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:06,791 Which would you prefer? 458 00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:17,716 You still there? 459 00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:19,990 (ALL) Yeah! 460 00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:22,589 We didn't enjoy that at all. 461 00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:26,429 - We could tell! - Now, listen to this, Beeblebrox. 462 00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:29,438 - And you'd better listen good! - Why? 463 00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:35,672 Er...because it's gonna be very intelligent 464 00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:38,917 and quite interesting...and humane. 465 00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:45,469 OK, shoot. I mean, fire away! 466 00:29:45,680 --> 00:29:47,636 No, no, I mean...! 467 00:29:48,320 --> 00:29:50,629 Sorry, misunderstanding there. 468 00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:56,389 Beeblebrox, either you all give yourselves up 469 00:29:56,600 --> 00:29:58,556 and let us beat you up a little, 470 00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:03,311 though not too much because we are firmly opposed to needless violence, 471 00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:07,672 or...er...or we blow up this entire planet! 472 00:30:09,960 --> 00:30:12,838 And one or two others we noticed on the way over! 473 00:30:13,040 --> 00:30:15,270 That's crazy! You wouldn't do that! 474 00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:17,436 Yes, we would! 475 00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:21,474 - I think we would, wouldn't we? - Yes, we'd have to. No question. 476 00:30:21,680 --> 00:30:24,035 - But why? - Tell her. 477 00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:26,196 - You tell her! - You tell her! 478 00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:28,630 - You tell her! - You tell her! 479 00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:31,356 Will one of you tell her! 480 00:30:33,360 --> 00:30:35,874 (BOTH) It isn't easy being a cop! 481 00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:41,236 (Listen...if we keep them talking, maybe their brains will seize up.) 482 00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:44,591 Shall we...shoot them up again for a while? 483 00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:46,472 - Why not? - Yeah. 484 00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:48,238 Wait... 485 00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:54,508 Well, that just about wraps it up for this lifetime, I guess. 486 00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:58,713 Well...it's really been nice running into you again, Zaphod. 487 00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:04,310 (BOTH) 488 00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:08,957 489 00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:13,039 - What the hell are you doing?! - A Betelgeuse death anthem. 490 00:31:13,240 --> 00:31:16,994 It means, ''After this, things can only get better.'' 491 00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:23,716 492 00:31:23,920 --> 00:31:28,710